How exciting, an update!
(Was contemplating writing up the Occupy RAW thing, but have, in general, ended up just ranting at people in the pub about it (please ask if you would like me to deliver it at you ;)))
So it looks like I’m staying up for WM this year, and only partially to avoid having to scroll through Brendon Burns’s tweets on Monday morning, so here is what is afoot.
Stupid 30 man battle royale thing for a big trophy!
The cast list on raw just now only included 26 faces, so four surprises, but not Hogan (who is hosting) as he’s not allowed to take a bump apparently.
Cesaro is in the pre-show tag team match (which I guess we’ll not get on tv), which is a shame as it would be just His Sort Of Thing? The sooner he gets rid of bloody Jack Swagger and gets on main events as a singles act the better. Big Show’s being bigged up for it, but really? Sheamus maybe? There’s no obvious storyline winner and so many jobbers in the line up. It should be a laugh, but clearly it’s just space filler cos they’ve only got one championship match (which we’ll return to shortly).
Cena/Bray Wyatt won’t be great (certainly not up to the recent Bryan/Wyatt PPV match), because cena’s too much of a dick to lose or turn heel, the only two fun things that could happen.
Lesnar/Undertaker will consist of everyone shouting “Christ Brock, don’t break him”, some stupidly huge hits and ‘taker winning (he is currently 1/66 with paddypower, which should really be 1/666…)
Shield/Kane & Outlaws could really actually see the shield all turn proper face, which would be, um, different and not what I’d expected two months ago, the shield split being YET ANOTHER storyline that disappeared for no reason. Roman Reigns turning face and going solo was my bet, but I think CM Punk’s leaving led to a lot of quick changes…
…speaking of which, Bryan/HHH should have been Punk/HHH apparently, although, if the Occupy Raw idea was just cooked up to cover a lack of Punk and hadn’t been there in the storyline for a while it was even more inspired. In related odds news, paddypower has Bryan long odds on to beat HHH and win the triple threat Championship match with Orton and Batista, but I’m still not sure we won’t end up with ANOTHER set of run ins and a screw job to deny Bryan again, will HHH *really* do a job twice in one night for Bryan?
Oh, and there’s a diva match that will only be any good if Stephanie joins in. Given she’s put in some stellar performances over the last few weeks on the mike, she would totally deserve it! As the sign on raw tonight says WE WANT PAIGE to make the divas any cop at all…
Who knew? WWE have SEVEN mikes! Kane being a d!ck with Bryan, is it a work for Bryan to overcome all the odds in the elimination chamber or an excuse for Bryan not to win (I’m going for the latter).
Roman Rains beating Mark Henry is totally on the way to a face turn and massive push for Rains, especially with Ambrose being a complete d!ck about it… Will they save the shield split for wrestlemania/RAW the night after or p!ss it away beforehand?
Poor old Wade Barrett reduced to heeling in stupid promos for pseudo-lego, where Goldust and Cody were looking stupid enough anyway…
This is more singles matches in one show than we’ve seen in about six months! Perhaps because Kane is “in charge” rather than HHH…
Big E vs Jack Swagger at the PPV will be a stinker I fear, they’re too similar. I like Big E as a strongman-type & he works better as a face (although no idea how that happened), but him vs Rey or Kofi is a better fight surely?
Cesaro needs to dump We The People so very very soon, he’ll never get the push with such a second rate angle, and he’s such a good wrestler, as this awesome match is showing. He was never going to beat Cena but, by gum, he’s got the moves…
(Also, NB, the Cena/Cesaro match is only 2/3rds of the way through the show, this would be a main event any usual night!!!)
Ahahahaa, WWE using Lincoln “fool some of the people” quote, WTAFWWE???
Stupid stupid “HE’S BEHIND YOU” promo, not helped by del rio in Kaufman style neck-brace…
[insert sin cara joke here]
Weird putting comedy teams up against the Wyatts though? We love the little bull (also JBL’s inability to realise its a man in a bull suit) but they have no place in this sort of match, you mayaswell put 3MB in…
And as for the Old Age Outlaws having the tag belts, what’s the point in that? Usos should marmalise them in the PPV, it’s so annoying, Usos vs Rhodes brothers would have been so much better…
(Blimey this is long, but there’s a lot going on here)
Usos to dick the Outlaws
Big E to not lose in a dull match
Wyatts vs Shield to have *so* much interference that no one has a clue what is afoot, Rains to win it with a spear followed by a super man punch to Bray and possible face turn/end of Shield
No idea on the big one apart from Christian definitely not winning, suspect last two will be Cena and Orton, can they really have wrestlemania without Cena headlining?
Actually decent Orton/Bryan match, with even some actual selling for more than 20 seconds and a half decent Kane (failed) distraction…
Suspect a zillion words have been written about use/misuse of Bryan and whether WWE know what they’re doing and whether misuse is a sell or cluelessness. I’m currently on “it’s now a sell to mask their cluelessness” although Cena’s early return totally didn’t help…
The crappy two week heel turn was definitely clueless though, that could’ve gone for months, excellent though the Bray/Bryan match at royal rumble was…
…we are now watching approx 6 hrs of WWE per week in our house (admittedly, most of smackdown is on FFWD (that is a wrestling joke because smackdown sucks)) and I have been inexorably drawn into giving a shit about it.
However, because we don’t watch any of it live (or even when it’s broadcast in the uk), twitter is an inappropriate place to share my Bon mots/theories/oh FFS what is happening NOW? most of the time…
I am tempted to use my poor little unloved tumblr for this as its easy to type nonsense into.
You can always scroll past it :)
Now this one, on the other hand, I can remember LOADS about. Mainly because it was the only year, so far, that I’ve worked. I was UNISON shop steward at work and they sent round a thing saying they were sending a crew down to work the bar. So I ended up spending a chunk of the weekend with a bunch of student nurses from, I think, Taunton.
We were on the bar to the left of the pyramid, but fortunately on two early shifts. We were meant to do half serving and half pouring, but I ended up serving throughout. It was all mental arithmetic and working out who was next at the bar which are two of my favourite things anyway!
This was also the first time I met up with People Off The Internet at Glastonbury. Various people from the Belle & Sebastian email list met outside the new band tent when Elliot Smith was on. It’s fair to say I wasn’t in the mood for Elliot Smith for reasons, and in fact don’t remember a lot about the meet up for the same reasons, but it definitely happened and I do remember tramping round the Other Stage camping area looking for Alix’s tent as nine inch nails blared away in the background…
Of course 2000 was the year the fence completely failed. There are many estimates of how large the crowd was, I suspect it was close to quarter of a million, certainly the crush coming down from new bands after flaming lips that met the crowd coming from the pyramid going to dance to see fatboy slim was the biggest concentration of people on site I’ve ever seen.
I think 2000 was also the year we got completely pissed off with Stewart Lee doing the Diana/ET/ALF routine for what felt like the THOUSANDTH time (although I realise now we were just playing into his hands…) and also when, after a couple of dud acts, the compare in the cabaret tent had to fill about 40 minutes which culminated in him sat on the stage rolling a joint as we stood by the doors (to make the tent look rammed) cheering wildly for about five minutes just to confuse the heck out of anyone who wondered what was going on.
Also there was Bowie. THERE WAS BOWIE! He was proper amazing. The highlight of the set though was the start of the encore (NB I hate encores) when Reeves, in pitch darkness, played the opening riff to Ziggy and the whole field went absolutely ape-shit.